Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
