The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
