No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
