shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
