I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
