I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
then he tried to convert me to islam
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
