He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
