jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
