you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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