Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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