I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
