just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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