WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
