wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize