I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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