Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
