it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
