Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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