i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
