how can u be prego again
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So much rum. So many feels.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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