Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
