is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
