You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize