Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize