Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
