It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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