I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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