It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize