just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
