Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
