I could make wine with my vomit
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
