we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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