I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
