They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
