she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
