is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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