he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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