I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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