Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
