So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The Olympian is in my bed
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