Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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