I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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