Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
