well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he was CRYING into my vagina
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
