Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Small penises have feelings too.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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