I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
