Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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