Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
