I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
