Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
