hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
