I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
