She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
