So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize