my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
is wine microwaveable?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
