I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize