just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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