OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
