Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
