Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize