She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
