New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
