I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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