My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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