Your face is a jimmy john
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
