She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
